Someone mentioned hot dogs in the Work Crew chat I keep open on synirc when I'm tethered to my desk during daylight hours, and the wheels started turning until all other previously conceived dinner options seemed downright inadequate. I took the kiddo swimming, then to the store to pick some stuff up for DOGS.
I was discussing my dinner idea with my homie, who insisted I get a foot long from Sonic. I can't in good faith purchase a prepared dog when I can easily make it at home, so I resisted his recommendation and began to notice an idle obsessing over condiments pushing forcefully from the back of my mind toward the front at an alarming rate.
"IT'S LIKE AN AVALANCHE OF TOPPINGS IN MY MIND GAINING EXPONENTIAL VELOCITY AS IT DESCENDS," I confessed to him, which he then quoted me on. After mulling it over on my evening commute, I found I wanted chili cheese dogs with fritos on one, saeurkraut and horseradish mustard on another. Good to go to the grocery store.
The bun is a bakery bun, which I toasted but did not eat. They look great in the photos, though. Bunless dogs, while delicious and satisfying, lack the high-impact aesthetic qualities I seek in my visual documentation, so the bun gets to pose and is promptly passed off on the kiddo, who panicked about the sriracha but ate every bite, save for the last one, which the puppy got. There's not even a lot of hot sauce on there! Such a dramatic little miss, it's endearing.
The dogs are Nathan's, because the unit count matched the buns. Hebrew National looks dank, but Nathan's are just as good, and are delicious. "I don't want skinless!" said Fish as she leered suspiciously at the package.
"You don't know what you want, but I do! You want my dinner! Imma feed it to you and you will LIKE it!"
"I want fuzzy water, mom. The peach one."
She points to the top shelf, so I grab it for her, knocking a display down in the process. To be fair, it looked structurally unsound, and we reassembled it before moving along the aisles, but it was still wobbly as hell.
"Bail, Mom. Bail. BAIL!" Fish screamed, cackling like a wild woman, peach water clutched enthusiastically in her tiny little baby hands. "You drive me to drink, child," I sigh as I pick up the 12-pack of light beer I sat down to help her fix the display.
The chili was the same one I posted a couple months ago, only blended up to make for a badass condiment. Used the same cheese sauce recipe, too. Homie recommended crispy onions for the kraut dog, which I obliged, the textural contrast excited me.
Made the cheese sauce next, which took two seconds, a real dump it in there dish, limited ingredients and hassle-free. Used a toaster oven to brown the buns, and seared the dogs in my smaller cast iron before steaming them with beer for a bit.
The salad boat is some sort of lettuce, i dunno, the biggest/cheapest one that wasn't iceberg, with feta, black olives, artichoke hearts, and dressing i made last week with oil, beet horseradish, lemon juice, dijon mustard, salt and pepper, onion and garlic powder. Quite tangy, and very horseradishy. Ate that boat in one bite.
The frito pie dog is chili, cheese sauce, corn chips and hot sauce, while the kraut dog is pickled cabbage, bright pink beet horseradish, horseradish mustard, and crispy onions.
I was quite pleased with both of these toppings, and ended up eating the entire goddamn bag of fritos with the chili and cheese sauce. This is why dishes like this are made occasionally in my house, same as desserts. They will get eaten the fuck down, there's no stopping it.
"Mom, you give me some chips? You always say you'll save some for me, but then you DON'T!"
"...i know..."
"YOU EAT THEM ALL AS I SLEEP"
"i do..."
"HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO YOUR LITTLE GIRL MOM??"
"FISH THEY ARE MY CHIPS I BOUGHT THEM THEY ARE MINE ALSO I AM SORRY"
"I WILL GO TO THE STORE AND BUY MY OWN BAG ALSO SOME ICE CREAM"
"no fish, no ice cream!"
"I WILL SNEAK OUT"
"FISH NO!"
"I KNOW WHERE TO GET ICE CREAM ON THE CHEAP"
*gasping for air in between giggles*
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